Cartman often prevails. People pay attention to him because of his imagination and energy. Greedy and petty, he was born ethically corrupt. His daring unfettered demented intelligence is hypnotic. He is the charismatic leader who can’t be trusted, which the other kids know, but they follow him anyway, because South Park is every innocent ignorant town in our land, goodhearted and not clever, believing what it sees on the tube, an isolated never-never land in the Rockies, always a step behind.
It’s too small for the post-puberty Cartman. He’s migrated to the big bad tri state area, changed his name to Chris Christie, and damned if he didn’t get his greedy self elected governor of New Jersey! Now he’s the brute he always wanted to be, still telling those whoppers, still cruel and vengeful, but able to enforce his will on his fiefdom. He still thinks big, and he’s learned a lot. He’s the biggest, the smartest, the most dangerous, and unfortunately, the best man to have around in a crisis. He’s swift, decisive and unnerving. In the dearth of qualified contenders, he is expected to run for the Presidency.
Cartman/Christie’s current whopper is that he had no idea what a top aide was up to when she paralyzed the town of Fort Lee by bleeping with the George Washington Bridge lanes to Fort Lee, ostensibly for a study that never happened. She and she alone did this awesome thing! What a gal! If you believe that, the governor may offer to sell you that bridge. Christie/Cartman being a total hands-on guy, it’s beyond ridiculous. The fallout is toxic and still building, going awesome, breaking press-conference records. This hissy-fit attack on Fort Lee involves interstate commerce, and thus the federal government, which is not yet within his fiefdom.
Whatever happens, the governor is not going down alone for this classic Cartman cock-up. He fired his gal Friday, and now his associates are resigning right, left and center, hiding behind their lawyers, taking the Fifth and like that. With a little luck and muscle, he’ll wiggle out somehow and be wanting your support in 2016.
If you think that’s funny, it’s not. Sad to say, Christie/Cartman may be as good as anyone willing to run for public office when it comes to sheer executiveness, which we haven’t seen much of in this century. Whether you want the fat kid to have the total power he craves (and access to the nuclear football) is the question. Whatever else, Obie is sane.
It’s Gresham’s Law applied to politics: bad politicians driving out the good the way bad money drives out the good. The Washingtons, Lincolns, Roosevelts and Kennedys are gone. No Eisenhower in sight. Pencil neck shooting guard in the White House, Cartman on the other side impersonating Charles Barkley. You can’t make this stuff up.